I was listening to someone the other day complain about people telling her about their experiences when all she wanted to do was talk about her own. She actually said that! It reminded me of a friend my husband and I kiddingly referred to as “Back to Me.” This man loved to talk about himself. He was nice enough to ask, “So, how are you?” or “What’s new with you?” He’d open the door for us to talk about what we’d been up to, but as soon as we responded with the first couple of sentences, he’d turn the focus back to himself and something he wanted to talk about. It didn’t matter what we said, he would compare it to something that had happened to him, something he had done, or something he knew about. It got to the point we didn’t want to spend much time with him unless we were in the mood to just listen. Of course, he always had a great time, because he got to do all the talking and enjoyed every moment of it.
When you’re with friends and family this week, try listening without likening what they say to something you’ve experienced. Listen for their underlying emotion, their perspective. Ask for more of their thoughts and what that experience meant to them. You can even repeat some of their words so they know you’re really listening, validating what they’ve said. They will appreciate you more than you know.
Try to be the one who really listens and asks questions instead of being the one who is always “Back to Me.”
