Negative assumptions. We all make them. When I ask people around the world if they make assumptions, they always say yes, every day. When I ask if their assumptions are mostly positive or negative, their immediate response is ‘negative.’ It’s universal.
These assumptions are spontaneous thoughts that minimize or put down our ideas. They lock in our thinking, limit our possibilities, and are lethal to our growth. They keep us operating within our comfort zone. Even hold us back from talking with some people. They are not just about ourselves and our situations. They’re also about others and their situations.
Yet it’s surprisingly easy to flip an assumption from negative to positive and free our mind to think more openly.
The good thing is that we can control our thoughts. Yes, indeed, we have the ability to turn a limiting, negative assumption into a positive one and use it as a jumping off point. Here are two examples of conversations I had with managers in two cities, in different roles, that show you how.
EXAMPLE #1: A smart, ambitious, well-respected manager assumed: “If I don’t make it to an executive level position by my early 40s, I never will at this company.” She has worked there eight years, is in her mid-30s, with young children.
Q: What is the positive opposite of what you are assuming?
A: She thought for a minute, then said: “My experience would be viewed as a real asset that would help position me for promotion.”
Q (Using her exact words is key): Knowing that your experience would be viewed as a real asset that would help position you for promotion, what would that free you up to think, feel or do?
A: “I would act with more confidence, take more risks, keep my eyes open for new and challenging roles that excite me.”
Q: (Again using her exact words) Knowing that your experience would be viewed as a real asset, what would be your first next step?
A: “I would communicate differently with my leaders and peers and let them know of my goals.”
She sat back in her chair and smiled. It was clear her thoughts had shifted to possibilities that felt right for her.
Example #2: A smart, ambitious, well-respected manager said her limiting assumption is that she will work another ten years in the high tech industry.
Q: What is the positive opposite of what you are assuming?
A: She thought for a minute. “I will not work in the high tech industry for another ten years.”
Q: (Using her exact words) What would knowing you will not work another ten years in the high tech industry free you up to do?
A: She sat, thoughtful, then said: “I would start planning now for the child care center I want to open for kids with disabilities rather than wait ten years to start.”
We all looked at her, shocked. No one in the room knew this was her long-term dream. She didn’t think about it much, she said, because she didn’t think she would do it until later in life.
Q: (Again using her exact words) Knowing that you could start planning now for the child care center you want to open for kids with disabilities, what would be your first step?
Her ideas flowed. She talked more in those few minutes than she had all morning. It was as if a closed door in her mind had opened.
That’s the magic in this approach. The “Incisive Question,” as Nancy Kline calls it in TIME TO THINK / Listening to Ignite the Human Mind, frees the brain to respond. Using the person’s exact words in the question helps the brain expand its thinking.
These examples occurred in Bangalore and Paris. I’ve had similar conversations in the U.S. Making negative assumptions is universal. So is our ability to flip a negative assumption to the positive opposite, and ask an incisive question that gets at what the new assumption could free us up to do.
###
