I was surprised at the tone and comments “Sandra” made about a colleague who was not present to explain her side of what happened. As Sandra described to the group what “Bonnie” had done, she based her negative assumptions about Bonnie’s character and qualifications for her role on this one situation. Many in the room did not know Bonnie, nor did they know it was Sandra’s first experience working with her.
I thought Sandra’s comments were harsh but didn’t say that. Instead, I spoke about the kind of person I have found Bonnie to be based on my experiences with her over the last few years.
It made me think about the way we describe others. Do we focus on who they are or what they do? Are we careful about the words we choose to use?
It brought to mind a 2023 commencement speech that has stuck with me. The graduating NC State student, Kelsey O’Connor, talked about her significant perspective change after her world turned upside down in her junior year. She suffered a traumatic brain injury while playing her favorite sport, soft ball. She went from being a top athlete in a sport she had played for years to a career-ending injury that caused her to have to learn to speak again. During her recovery, she thought a lot about who she was and how she viewed herself.
She realized she focused a lot on the labels she put on herself and others based on roles and achievements. She decided to shift the way she talked about others so that she could shift the way she thought about herself.
Rather than focusing on what people do, she chooses to talk about who they are. Instead of their titles and accomplishments, she describes the kind of person they are. She describes others based on three criteria: their attitude, the way they treat others, and what makes them uniquely beautiful as a person. By changing the way she describes others, her view of herself shifted. It has changed her life.
In the meeting, I spoke about Bonnie’s positive spirit, how she always treats others with respect, is dependable, honest, and committed to doing her best with whatever she says she will do. All winning attributes in my book. Bonnie is bound to succeed in the organization because of who she is at her core.
