I’ve talked with a couple of people recently who admitted they have a tendency to write some people off before they get to know them. As they talked about it, they realized how limiting that thinking is.
Tom said he viewed Jeff as “too lazy” to be engaged in meetings because Jeff often doesn’t speak up. Then, during a recent department-wide program arranged by their leader so that everyone could get to know themselves and their colleagues better, Tom learned that he and Jeff approach their work and their interactions differently.
Tom’s eyes were opened when Jeff said he doesn’t speak up unless he’s quite sure what he’s going to say is accurate. Tom is much more outgoing. He said, “Why wouldn’t Jeff say what he’s thinking? I say what I’m thinking, and if I’m wrong, I’m wrong. It’s OK. I don’t have to be right all the time. I learn from it.” As we talked about it, Tom acknowledged that Jeff is a deep thinker, cautious about what he says in meetings.
Now, Tom is reflecting on what he thinks of others, intrigued that his “lazy” label for Jeff was wrong. He wonders what more Jeff might contribute if asked for his thoughts. He also wonders who else he’s labeled incorrectly and how that may have affected his approach when working with them.
I encouraged him to tell Jeff how much he appreciated him speaking up about himself during that program and the impact it’s had. Letting Jeff know may lead to him becoming more comfortable expressing his thoughts to Tom in the future. Who knows where that may lead.
It’s not uncommon to place mental labels on people, but it’s what we do as a result that counts. Do our labels cloud our thinking? Do they block us from getting to know who the person really is? Do they stick like super glue, or do we allow them to fall away? I know I’ve been wrong with my mental labels about some people. Tom learned that he was, too. What about you?
