Sometimes we offend without realizing it. I know I have, because I was lucky to be told about it. I’m sure there have been plenty more times. I try to be sensitive to what people say, their tone, and their body language, but sometimes there is an unintended offense.
Years ago, I facilitated a program at the Jamaica Constabulary Force in Kingston. The room was filled with leaders from various branches. I put my small plastic bottle of Fiji water on the desk next to my notes, thinking nothing of it. I had bought it at the Orlando airport because I liked the shape and size of the bottle. At the hotel, I refilled it rather than throw it away.
During the lunch break, my colleague Susan ate with some participants and asked what they thought of the program so far. It was fine, they said, except the instructor must think she is better than us. Surprised, Susan asked what they meant. “She doesn’t think our Jamaica water is good enough for her,” was the response. I was shocked when Susan told me and immediately put my bottle away. Someone brought Jamaica water into the room for the afternoon, and I made a point of drinking it in the front of the room.
Here’s another example. A client (Nancy) has an employee who is upset about what occurred at an all-staff meeting. A leader called on a few employees to talk about their accomplishments, calling each by their first name. When he called this employee, he used her first and last name. Later, he referred to something she had said and used her first and last name again. She was upset, wondering if he thought less of her.
Nancy and I discussed unintentional impact. She will ask that leader what made him address the employee differently from the others. There is probably a simple explanation. Maybe he knows another employee with the same first name. Or, maybe her first and last name flow together easily in his mind. Or, maybe she has impressed him! Nancy will find out why.
As I thought of these and other unintended offenses, I remembered an HR leader who was promoted to report directly to the CEO because he valued her people skills and candid feedback. She would tell him, after meetings, when he shut down dialog with his abrupt tone, or when he misinterpreted a comment, etc. He valued her candor and wanted to get better at reading individuals and the room.
Who might you ask to let you know if you offend someone and how you come across in meetings?
